The Downward Spiral was one of the first albums I had ever heard by Nine Inch Nails. This album name has stuck with me since then due to how I feel at times when Cynthia decides to come out more. Don’t get me wrong I have made my peace with what I am but sometimes it still does get a little overwhelming.
My wife has stated my urge to dress is very tied to my stress levels and lately my stress has been at very high levels. Seems to be when one stressful situation clears up there is another to take it’s place. The urge seems to start small, and then build up to a breaking point.
My mind will be half in the moment and half into what I could be doing and this is where it gets real annoying. Makes working kinda hard when I am trying to set up something and I can’t get my mind off the fact that I could be dressing. I relate my experience to a junkie, although I have never been addicted to drugs or alcohol it would seem relative. Getting your fix being okay for awhile and then needing the next.
I don’t think my dressing will get to the point where it will ruin my life as it will a junkie or alcoholic but when it gets to the point where it is getting now it seems to be always at the front of all my thoughts and it’s hard not to keep bringing it up to the people that know about me without me getting annoying (sorry to those of you that do know). I would love to be able to take a day and just get it out of my system, unfortunately due to life situations that is not a option right now.
So for the time being I will just shave my legs, put on something pink and deal with it.
Again thanks for listening to me ramble on.