I had a surprise today, My wife told me she had written something and wanted me to post if on here on her behalf. So here it is.
Cynthia and I have been together forever, Okay well 20 years. When Cynthia was firs trying to tell me she would not come right out and tell me what was going on, just she had something big to tell me. She said she was going to spell it out, and goes it starts with a C well I almost started crying because I thought she was going to tell me it was Cancer. Why it never really bothered me was I believe people are born who they are in some regards and sometimes people can be born with 2 souls a male and a female, both parts are fine because that person has a gift.
To a degree they can live and understand both worlds. I also had a fair number of different people I knew some gay, straight, punk, hippies etc it sounds cliche but I figured as long as you were not hurting another soul, human, animal or otherwise be who you are.
The other reason that I know Cynthia does not talk about is how she has always been supportive of me. When I met Cynthia she was the first man who was ever nice to me, the first man to not lay a finger on me in any way. She accepted my scars, and accepted and understood I had mental health issues because of having a long trauma history. Cynthia has been my rock, my only consent, know matter what. I have been in and out of hospitals so much I lost count. Even when we got married I asked her if she was sure, that I would completely understand if she wanted to back out. She still said I do! She has gone to appointments with me, sat with me well I cried, stayed away when I couldn’t stand to be touched. And still kept coming home.
The major stress she has previously talked about several years ago was when I attempted suicide. She still kept coming back. Took care of everything my dog, our daughter my bills etc, and still managed to come visit me often. I was in over Christmas and she made it magical for our daughter. I have recently finally been able to get begin proper trauma therapy and help I am not better by any means, but working my way their.
From the beginning Cynthia saw past my out there exterior, and my sometimes tough exterior, and saw me. Some how was able to love me and know that I was a good person, not just a mental case.
I understood her fear of Stigma, as she understood or tried to understand me. When I was pregnant I was so scared I would not be a good Mother. Cynthia never had a doubt about me. I feel like she has talked about how great I am to go shopping with, or understanding, but she will never pat her self on the back for the kind of person she is.
We fight, we cry and don’t see eye to eye, but we also laugh and joke with each other and at each other.
My only hope is that to the SO’s of Crossdressers is to understand this is who they are, like they have accepted you for who you are (Hopefully and if not and you can not accept each other that is not a healthy place to be). When they tell you they are showing you a piece of their soul, and that is tough for anyone. They are being completely vulnerable with you, knowing that the information they just gave you could so bite them in the arse. They trust you and that is why they are telling you. If they didn’t tell you at the beginning it is not because they are liars or were going to wait until you had been together for a long time. They didn’t know how, they were scared. Cynthia has mentioned how scared she was of what the Crossdressers on tv and in the movies were like and it was not a good portrayal. Give it some time, talk to them, I hope that some how you can meet in the middle. It’s not as bad as it sounds.
For the Crossdressing ladies out there. When you are in a pink fog, and your SO turns and snaps at you, and decides I don’t want to talk about it any more, It may feel like rejection but its not. It would be just as annoying if the only thing your spouse talked about for days was I don’t know cabbage and how great cabbage was, all the ways you could cook cabbage, all the stores to shop for cabbage, and look at all the pictures of cabbage. You would get annoyed too. Single Crossdressers I can only hope that you are able to find that special someone to share your feminine soul with.
To everyone be yourself, breathe, and hopefully with the internet you will know be able to connect with others in a safe fashion, or find support.
Cynthia give your self more credit. You are pretty great too!
This totally made me feel awesome. And i love the cabbage analogy, too funny.
Love you dear.