I thought I would try to recall some of the earliest and most important memories I have of being a Crossdresser.
Most Crossdressers start out with a piece of clothing from either thier mother or sister but me on the other hand started out with make up, Eye shadow to be exact.
From my best recollection this would have been around the age of 7 so that puts us in 1983.
In the 1980’s Make up ads looked like this
The number one song of 1983 was Every Breath you Take by the Police.
And The FCC authorized Motorola to begin testing cellular phone service in Chicago.
And I was just at the beginning of questioning who and what I was even though I did not know it at the time.
Even from a young age I knew I was different from the other boys, although I was not really sure what it was. I was always looking at the way women were dressed and the make up they wore more than any of the other boys were, And if they were they were not mentioning it. It seems to me I was always drawn in by the face, Clothes can be just put on but a decent make up application takes times and practice to learn.
I remember having to get something out of the bathroom cupboard one night and coming across a (if I remember correctly) Aloette eye shadow palette. I know there were 4 colours, bright blue, dark green, possible a light beige and the last I can’t remember.
I was amazed when I found this hidden gem at the back of the cupboard, it was not kept where the rest of my mothers make up was kept and it was buried so far at the back of the cupboard I knew she would not be looking for it. Any time I could get the chance to have a peak at it I would and was always careful to place it back in the exact same spot. I am not sure how many times I took it out to look at it before I finally got the idea to try it on.
When I had finally worked up the courage to try the eye shadows I had the night planned out. My bedroom was at the far end of the house, then the bathroom and after that was my sibling and then my parents. I was able to keep a eye on all the other lights in the house to see when everyone was heading off to sleep. As the lights went out one by one I waited even longer then crept down to make sure I could hear the regular sleeping noises and then made my way as quietly as I could into the bathroom and locked the door.
I pulled the eye shadow out of the cupboard and propped myself up onto the bathroom counter trying to remember how I had watched my mother do this before. With my face almost up against the mirror I started to apply the shadow to one eye and then the other. I am pretty sure I had picked the blue only and was making a terrible mess everywhere. As I pulled back from the mirror to get a better look I was horrified. Staring back at me was not the image I had expected but more or less the image of a circus clown. I was mortified.
I quickly grabbed a wash cloth and some soap and proceeded to scrub my face and eyes harder than I ever had before. It may have just been the fear but I was sure it was not washing off and by the time I was sure it was gone my face was red and sore. I made sure like on so many other occasions to put everything back in it’s place and clean up the mess and head off to bed.
I was sure at that point I would never, ever, ever try that again. But as we can all guess that was not the case. I did try it again and it was the same outcome (I am still terrible with shadow) but each time I was a little less hard on myself. I still had no Idea what I was at this point and it would be a little bit longer before I would have a word to explain what I was doing.