Getting over my Shopping Fears.

shopping fears

While browsing through the makeup aisle recently,  I thought about how long it has taken me to get to the point where I am comfortable enough on my own to head into the store and look at and buy whatever makeup or clothes I want.  It’s been about 20 years since I bought my first items of makeup with my Wife’s (Then Girlfriend) help.  Since then it’s been a long trip learning how to shop for makeup and clothes by myself.  It took me a long time to bring my confidence level up to the point where I am able to head out and shop on my own which I think is better for both of us,  don’t get me wrong I love shopping with the wife but when shopping for Cynthia it can be stressful.  My wife does not wear a lot of makeup to begin with so she does not really enjoy browsing.

I can still recall like yesterday how our first trip went.  After telling the wife about Cynthia I had asked if she would help me pick up some makeup.   She agreed and we headed to the local Wal-Mart.   I can remember sitting on the car waiting to go in and shaking like a leaf I was so stressed out.  I wanted the entire Covergirl Fall line at that time but I was not able to afford it.  We were both a little nervous about the whole situation and just wanted to get in and out as fast as possible.  Some bad choices were made,  but we were young and it was a learning experience.

Shopping trips went on like this for years,   heading into stores with a vague idea of what I wanted or needed with the wife quietly asking me questions.  This caused the wife much stress as she was always worried that someone would overhear that our purchases were not for her, but me.  I admit I was worried about this as well back then,  but that faded.

It took a long time for me to reach the F**K it moment and realize that no one cares what you are buying,  they just want to go home.  It was also getting annoying for the wife to have to go out and help every time I wanted something new from the stores,  and I can totally agree with that.  I am not going to lie,  It was so easy for me to drop into a pink fog,  it was not even funny.  I cannot even imagine what it was like living with me at those times.

It was the perfect storm that helped me get off my ass and over my fears.  Firstly one of my favorite stores was having a 70% off sale which meant I could get the bra set I had my eyes on,  and only for about 17 dollars.  Secondly the wife was sick at the time and was in no shape to be heading out in the crappy January weather.  I knew it was now or never,  I checked online and made sure the items I wanted were still in stock in store,  I made my list and waited till I was done work and headed off to Addition Elle.  I did have a friend who offered to take me as well,  but I knew if I did not do this on my own now I never would.

With list in hand, I sat in the car for at least a good 10 minutes waiting for the store to look a little more empty.  When it looked quiet I headed in and straight up to a sales assistant at the front counter and asked for some help getting some presents for my wife,  she was more than willing to help and thought my list was a great idea.  I am sure while talking to her I was as red as a beet but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care.  In no time she had found 3 of the 4 items I really wanted and was ever so helpful in finding something very close to the last one I wanted.  I paid my bill and left the store with my purchases and felt as high as the clouds that I had done this myself.

Of course, once I had completed this task it just seemed to get easier and easier.  Soon I was not even taking a list in with me,  just walking in and heading right over to the sale racks,  looking through and grabbing what I wanted.  Not more mention of buying for my wife because no one ever asked me,  no one really seemed to care as long as I paid and went on my way.  It was true about what they said,  SA’s don’t care (at least from my experience) what the purpose of your visit as long as you be courteous,  pay and leave.

It was not long before I was applying my new-found courage to the makeup aisle as well,  taking my list along with me if I was ever asked if I needed help.  A list is a must have for the makeup aisle just because of the sheer number of brands and products available.  I have been approached only about 3 times while browsing for makeup.  The worst part was going through the checkout and I was sure the lady scanning was going to look up and see who was purchasing the foundation.  Not once did she look up from her task of scanning my items to verify if it was a male or female buying the items.

This post is not a damnation of people who feel they can’t go out and buy for themselves yet.  I was in your heels at one time and I know exactly how you feel.  You may never become comfortable enough go out and get stuff on your own and that’s completely fine.  So many more options are around you could buy everything you ever need and not talk to another human being.

Some tips I have.

  • Do make a list.  Some clothing store websites have the option to check stock,  but it might only be updated every 24 hours.  Make sure you have some backup pieces if needed.
  • Pick stores with self-checkouts.  This can limit your needed interaction with clerks if this makes you nervous.
  • Take proper measurement to reduce returns.  If you are not going to be trying clothes on you will want to make sure you get the proper size.
  • Read reviews before buying products.  I find Makeupalley is great for this as it’s all people who have brought the product.
  • Don’t break your bank,  pick a few items you need and just get those.

When it comes down to it no matter why you are Crossdressing it should be fun and exciting and shopping is just part of it.

 

Thanks for reading

cyn_sig2

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Summer 2018 Buys, And Leaving my Comfort Zone.

summer2018

Well the summer of 2018 is almost over and what do I have to show for it.

It’s been hot here in South eastern Ontario,  one of the hottest that I can ever remember.  We had almost a whole week with a heat warning in effect where the temperature was in the high 30’s and when you factor in the Humidex it felt more lit it was in the 40’s,  not fun to be in at all.

But heat aside the Summer was a  pretty good one for Family and Myself,  we have had time to get out fishing and swimming and just spend some time together.  Also I have been able to get some dressing in which I normally never do until the colder months like late September,  but I was given the opportunity and took it.

Before dressing though I was able to save up some money and treat myself to some new makeup,  I may have went a little overboard on the Lipsticks but what can I say,  I love a bold red lip now.  Between my saved up money and my points from Shoppers Drug Mart. I spent no more than 35.00 on new lipstick, eyeshadow, foundation and mascara which when you think about it is not a lot at all.

I picked up all the make up with sale prices of at least half off and some I had coupons for that gave me mega points towards money off again so all in all it was a very good deal.  My favourite’s right now is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipsticks,  I love the feel and I love the colour pay on this brand.  I was able to pick up 4 new ones which were 2 creams and 2 mattes.  The colours were Certainly Red,  Love is On,  So Lit! and Red Rules the World.

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Certainly Red
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Love is On
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So Lit!
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Red Rules the World

 

The only tried the cream ones so far,  but both really really pop when on and don’t seem to make me look too bad.

Along with my my Lipsticks I also picked up some new Mascara as I have never used it very much and need all the experience I can get with it.  I picked up some Maybelline The Falsies Volum Express.  The formulation seems to be okay and does seem to add some volume to my lashes,  but I did not pay attention and picked up blue.  Does not seem to make a big difference.

 

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And seeing as I love eyeshadow as well I had to pick up the new Covergirl Trunaked pallet in Dazed.  I have 4 of these now and I really like the way they go on and how much coverage I can get out of these.

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But Possibly my best buy of all was some new Fit me Matte+Poreless foundation from Maybelline in 130 Buff Beige.  If you have ever read my blog before you will know I have spent years trying to find the right shade of foundation with  no luck yet.  Someone on Twitter told me to try and Maybelline Fit me line and I was not disappointed.  I did pick up a few and ended up getting one that to me seems to be a great match.  It covers well and seems to leave a nice surface that does not accentuate my pores,  which other foundations I have tried do.  I am so happy I found this.

 

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130 Buff Beige

 

I decided since I have the time and there is no snow on the ground,  I was going to leave my comfort area and head out of doors which I don’t normally do while dressed.  I do live in a very rural area,  but it’s not uncommon for people to just either head up to the house or just show up unexpected.  Needles to say I did feel exposed while outside of the house in broad daylight,  but it was a thrill and I can’t wait to do it some more.  It was pretty hot while dressed so I am hoping by the time fall rolls around I will have more pictures to take.

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Thanks For Reading

cyn_sig2

 

Spring Window Shopping.

spring_window_shoppingThe pictures are taken from the websites of the company’s.  I have linked to their respective websites at the bottom of this post.

Oh, the snow is melting so fast here Today that I would really like to get outside and so something,  but the thermometer says otherwise, and so does my wallet.

So I spent the last couple of days internet windows shopping at some of my favorite store for some new clothes and makeup.  As you all know my places to shop around here are Addition Elle and Penningtons both which have local stores in this area.  It was also recently that we had a Torrid open up in the local mall so I took a look at their site as well.  Not a  lot of stuff listed here,  but I think all would be great additions to my wardrobe and makeup collections.

First off like always I checked out the Addition Elle website,  by far the clothes they sell have never steered me wrong before.  They can be a little on the pricey side,  but for the most part, you can get some really good deals when they have their sales on.

The first item I spotted that I really liked was this Michel Studio Chiffon & Embroidery Shift Dress.additionelle_407840_4_0  What I like about this dress is that it has longer sleeves and a higher neckline.  Although at times I do shave my chest or use fake cami tops,  I find with this look it’s a lot easier than the latter.  The overall length is nice as well.  Plus I am a sucker for the whole mesh look at the top and bottom of the dress.

Normally I try and get dresses and skirts that are a bit longer.  I have terribly scared up shins and they not look very nice in real life,  but something about this dress called to me and I love it.

Item two is a Michel Studio Short Sleeve Patterned Fit & Flare Party Dress.  I am not much for partying but this one also caught my eye as something very different from anything I have ever owned before.additionelle_407847_36_0  First off I adore the floral print on the skirt section and I love the difference in the upper and lower fabric selections. My only complaint about this dress is the lack of sleeves.  I do not have feminine arms at all so I do like to have them covered as much as possible.  I believe I could add some type of cover-up or bolero to alleviate the sleeve issue.

I believe this would be a blast to wear for some pictures and a night out.

I can’t look at Addition Elle’s web site without taking a look at the lingerie section.  When every new season comes around there is always a new bra set that I want to get my hands on and this season is no different.  Most of the bra’s and panties I pick up are from the Deesse collection.  Although they are not a massively known brand,  they do make some outstanding pieces that I love.

First up is the Déesse Lace Cross Dye Femme Couture Bra in Lilac grey is a soft cup bra.   It’s not a super fancy or lacey piece but I really really like how the darker strap colors work well with the lighter structure of the bra.  additionelle_400583_53_0The panties have the same color variations and accent bow as the bra.

The fourth and final pairing from Addition Elle, again comes from the Deesse line.  I can count on one hand how many times I have been really excited to see a design or color scheme and this one goes on that list.  The Vixen Balconet Bra with Lace & Ruching – Déesse Collection in Black and Confettiadditionelle_768607_1_0The lace design and color have my name written all over it.  Normally I try to stay away from padded cups bra’s (although my last 4 are) just for the fact that I don’t find they hold my forms as well as soft cup bras,  but I have to say I would love to have this in my collection.

 

After Addition Elle I headed over to the Penningtons site.  The two are owned by the same parent company but sell very different styles.  I always take a look over at Penningtons for some more relaxed looks.  I was able to spot this Girlfriend Fit T-Shirt with Crochet – d/C JEANS.  penningtons_401361_1_0I love the look of the crochet detail at the top and I can’t get enough.  To date, I have picked up at least three lace dresses and a skirt.  It will never go out of style for me.

The best thing about this top is you could dress it up with a nice skirt or down with a pair of jeans and it will work either way.  It would be a very versatile piece to add to the wardrobe.

Something new we have here now is a Torrid and I was pretty excited to head in there to take a peek at what they have.  The only problem was they opened near Christmas and I am still a little broke from that.  The first thing I can say about Torrid is that their stock list if HUGE,  just trying to scan around the website leads my poor old laptop browser to crash as it can’t load.  But once I got everything stable again I was able to search the skirt section and found a couple I really liked.

First one is the Floral Velvet Print Ponte Mini Skirt.  torrid2 To me, nothing says spring nice a nice floral print.  This would be perfect on hot days and I already have a very nice casual black top that would pair very well with this.

Also from Torrid was the Black Rose Hi-Lo Challis Maxi Skirt.  torrid1Another gorgeous skirt with a beautiful floral print.  I love the hi-low aspect of this skirt and think it would be a great casual piece or it could be dressed up and used for a night on the town.  Super versatile.

And to top everything off,  you can’t update your wardrobe without updating some of your makeup for the perfect spring look.  Not that long ago I posted about picking up some Wet N Wild Color Icon 10 pan eyeshadow palettes.  From what I have seen online,  people are raving about this stuff.  I would love to be able to pick up some more of their products to be able to try out.

Seeing as I already picked up the “Not a Basic Peach” and “Comfort Zone” Palettes the only other two I need are “Rose in the Air” and “Nude Awakening”.  I can’t really say there is a color that draws me to one or the other but I could mix and match from the different palettes.

And with the way I would love to be playing more and more with my eyeshadow,  these would keep me amused for quite a long time trying many,  many looks and styles.

Foundation is still the one thing I struggle with every time I want to put on makeup.  I harp about it every time I make a post about this,  but I am still a little too shy to get properly matched.

So since I have tried every shade by every other company why not some from Wet N Wild in their PhotoFocus line.  Lots of shades and from what I hear,  a very good lasting formula.

And last but not least some new bright lipstick from the Megalast lipstick line.  I really hate looking at lipstick colors online because the look can differ between monitors and even at what angle you look at it.  But from scanning the site I was able to pick out at least two that I would really like to try and they are “Violet Kiss” and “Sugar Plum Fairy”

So that’s my Spring windows shopping list,  Let me know what you think works or doesn’t.

Pictures are not my own and have been taken from the following websites.  Check them out.

Addition Elle

Penningtons

Torrid

Wet N Wild

Thanks for reading

cyn_sig2

What’s New?

whats_new

So awhile back I read a review about a company that I had heard of but never purchased before.  Sure you have seen Wet n Wild in the local cosmetics aisle in the far corner,  and like me probably never tried them before because how well can a $3.00 lipstick work?

Well from the reviews I have read,  pretty well actually.  Chelle over at Makeup You Mind put up a post about how well the new Wet n Wild ColorIcon eyeshadow palettes worked.  From the reading, I was hooked on the colors and really wanted to try them out.DSC05806

Her review was posted December 6, 2018 and every time I looked I could never find them.  They were slowly going into stores at the time of the writing but I did not see any since I had read it.

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Comfort Zone

I heard stories trickling through twitter that people were starting to see these in their local stores,  so the wife and I headed out Saturday morning and tried to find some.  It took 3 stores before I found them,  and I was able to pick up Comfort Zone and Not A Basic Peach.

 

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Not A Basic Peach

 

It’s no secret that my wife does not share my love of makeup or shopping,  but she was gracious enough to toss in some of her Air Miles to cover some of the cost of there new Palettes for me.  THANKS, HON!!

 

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Not A Basic Peach

 

I was drawn to the gold tones in Not A Basic Peach and the shimmery dark greens of Comfort Zone.  Of course, I have already been scouring the net looking for some looks to use these with when I finally get the time.  If these turn out well I am also interested in trying some of the Wet N Wild lipstick and PhotoFocus Foundation.  DSC05815

 

The price point on these is great,  at $7.39 each they will not break the bank.  For a similar style of palette from CoverGirl I paid at least $13.00 so you can see how these are the better deal.  They do not come with the little sponge applicators but with the money you will save you are better to go and buy some decent brushes.

Hopefully, I can get the chance to use these soon and report back at how they work for me.

Thanks for reading

cyn_sig2

 

Makeup storage for Minimal space

storage

So the last time I was trying to use my makeup I was having a hell of a time,  I have so much stuffed into a small box it’s almost impossible to find what I want to use.  I decided it was time to sit down and really take a look at what I had,  what I needed and what I could get rid of and start getting it a little bit more organized.

We don’t have a lot of space to store all my stuff,  and since it’s not really a priority it has to be all packed away after I am done using it.  That’s where my overflowing makeup bins comes into play.

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Over Flowing makeup bin

There is way more stuff packed into here than there should be at this point and I have already down sized (A bit) by giving some stuff to the Wife and Kid.  Plus now I need to add all the stuff I picked up on sale from the Holidays.  What to do?

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Could I get any more in here?

I headed off to the Dollar store and picked up the same type of box I already have most of the makeup in because I dropped the other one and it’s pretty much done.

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Christmas haul.

 


As well as a new box I also picked up some drawer organizers and a cosmetics case to keep all my new brushes in.  I would rather have a roll-up brush holder because I think these would be a better option to protect the brushes,   but at this time I can’t seem to find one.  The wife suggested the art store so I may have to take a trip downtown.

I started by emptying the whole box out on the bed and trying to figure out exactly what I have.

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Most of what I have.

Got rid of some and moved some others into a second box for products that I don’t use all the time or brand new ones still in packages like sponges.

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This was on the top.

I tried as best as I could to separate into smaller piles so I could sort them into their own bins.  I figured the smaller pots would work well to hold all my lipstick’s and the larger ones would be better to hold eyeliners and mascara while the last big one would hold all my eyeshadow’s

The drawer organizers do not really fit in the bin like I wanted them to but for the time being,  they will work just fine keeping things apart from each other.  The only saving grace is that after I put all of my eyeliners and mascara in the bottom pan I was able to stack the upper pan with all of my eyeshadow palettes on top and it still seems to work ok.

Of course, all of my brushes in their protective cases from the store would not fit into the cosmetics bag.  Once removed they fit just fine but I was still a little leery about putting my new E.L.F. eye brushes into the case unprotected due to the very small and fine bristles on the head.

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E.L.F. Eyeshadow brushes.

 

I had a great idea to place them into one of the smaller cases before placing them into the larger case,  Worked just great.  Also, some of the brushes also came with a protective slipcover that pulls up over the bristles,  I left them in place for added protection.

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This is not my ultimate storage solution but for the time being, it will have to do.  Someday I would love to have a nice vanity in the corner where all my stuff can be set out and stay in one place instead of having to cram it back into a box.

I can always dream.

Thanks for reading

cyn_sig2

Hello 2018

hello_2018So here we are in 2018 and I am a way behind in posting seeing as my last full post was in September of 2017.  So what has been going on since that post?

Read on to find out.

A Bittersweet Blog-A-Versery

I got the notification near the end of November that my blog had turned 4 years old.  I was pretty excited as I don’t normally keep things going this long,  so 4 years worth of blogging was a pretty big thing for me.

I decided to write-up a post and grabbed the USB Flash drive I keep all my pictures and various files on.  When plugging it into my laptop I was greeted with a weird error on the laptop which I had never seen before.  As far as I could tell there is no easy way to do a disk repair on Ubuntu Linux so I popped it into my trusty Windows Vista machine.

To my surprise the drive was recognized but in a RAW format and not readable by Windows.  Hours spent researching and at least 5 data recovery software programs yielded no results.  As far as I can tell my pictures, data and anything I had written that I may have used in a future blog post are now gone.

I know I should have backed up the data on the drive but I was always nervous of having pictures on one drive let alone many.  I have learned my lesson and now just saving things on my very secure lockable laptop.  I will be looking into a cloud-based service as well.

The Family

The summer and fall of 2017 were a particularly busy for us as a family.  I have noted before that our child identifies as a gender fluid,  They prefer a more androgynous look and have pretty much purged all of their clothes that would point to a feminine appearance.  Even though at times they will don a skirt or dress for the most part it’s jeans and shirts from the men’s aisle.

You would think that as a Crossdresser this would be a easy task for me to raise a child that is gender non conforming……WRONG.  I try,  I really,  really try but even I get it wrong sometimes.  I am better than I was but I still use the wrong pro-nouns at times but usually know I am getting it wrong as it’s leaving my mouth.  It always sounds like I am repeating my self a lot of times like “Is She going to school,  Are THEY going to school”

The kid was able to take part in a camp this summer for LGBTQ kids.  They had a great time and at the last day there was a gathering for the Family’s.  It was to explain what the kids had done for the week and to tell us how as parents we were doing the right things for our kids.  That was never in question for me,  I don’t care what my kid is as long as they are happy.

We were able to get the Kid into the CHEO (Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario) Gender clinic.  This is in Ottawa which is not a really far drive from our city but when you have no idea where you are driving and hate big cities it makes for an all day trip.   What should have taken us a little over an hour and 45 minutes took well over 3 hours.  luckily the appointment was a little after 1 in the afternoon and we had left at 9 am.   We have made 2 trips up so far but we are also trying to get into a new local gender clinic because it’s such a hassle to drive all that distance for a appointment that at the longest has been maybe 25 minutes.

We are still active with a local Transgender family group.  We try to meet up every 2nd Monday but lately with holidays and weather we have only met up once since early December.  We have had guest speakers and special event nights but mostly we just meet up and chat.  It’s nice to have other families that are going through the same things who can give you the support that you may need sometimes.

Odds and Ends

Since September I have been trying to de-clutter some of my make up stash.  I have been getting rid of products that are past the expiry, wrong colour or stuff that I just don’t use.  And once I have have made room I picked up some more.

I always wait till products are on sale because I feel bad for paying full price for a product I may only get to use a few times a year.  I was able to get some stuff from Revlon, Covergirl and E.L.F. between September and the end of December of last year.

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Revlon Super Lusterous Lipstick.

I also started picking up more beauty tools like foundation and blending sponges as well as finally getting some decent brushes.  I follow a lot of beauty bloggers on Twitter, so I decided to take the advice of some and pick up some products by E.L.F Cosmetics.  I will be working on a more detailed post with what’s in my make up bag that I am hoping to be posting soon.

 

I think some of the coolest purchases in late 2017 were the E.L.F. Holiday kits which I was able to pick up at either 30% or 60% off after Christmas.

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E.L.F. Cosmetics Holiday Kits.

Between the wife and I we picked up 7 kits.

 

I am still debating taking a trip to the local M.A.C. store and get some help getting foundation.  I know some stand alone M.A.C.’s have private rooms but our local one is not a store front.  It’s located within another store called Hudson’s Bay which is a higher end store here in Canada.  I asked around and was finally able to take a peak at the store itself and it appears it does not have a private room as it’s not much bigger than a normal cosmetics counter area.  Like I have stated many times before in posts,  this is not a huge town and it’s more common than not to meet friends or family when walking around the mall.  Trying to have my foundation done may leave me open to have someone I know seeing me,  Not a situation I really want to try to explain.  My options at this point are pretty limited,  do I drive over 2 hours away to another store near Toronto or Ottawa,  Or do I try to maybe make a appointment first thing in the morning maybe on a Sunday when the mall will be mostly empty?

I still have not contacted the store itself to see what they can do for me if anything at all.

At the start of November I was able to pick up a wig from the local Spirit Halloween store that now had all there products on for 60% off.  Now keep in mind this is not a expensive wig to start off with,  but in pictures it does at the something that was missing.  I can now take pictures with the top of my head in them instead of cutting of at the shoulders.  Still not doing any head on face shots yet though,  I tried a couple and my foundation showed so bad in the light it was terrible looking.

So there is my first post of 2018,  and hopefully this is just the beginning of posting a little more this year.  I already have 2 other posts I have been working on and I am hoping to have them out in the next little while.

Thanks for Reading

cyn_sig2

Casual Saturday

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So yesterday was a cleaning and chore day,  but I did not wear myself out because I had plans for dressing in the evening.

During breaks between cleaning, I had decided to make a new pair of longer rounded nails for the night.  Recently I had picked up some new Revlon nail polish on sale and other than on my toes I had not used them yet. DSC04903 I made them longer than I normally do but I wanted something a little more fancy for the night.

After finishing all my chores it was around 4 pm and I had my shower and shaved my face.  I was going to do a full face of makeup but just slapped on a coat of Covergirl Colorlicious lipstick inDSC04703 Bombshell pink.  I like how this feels on the lips and the amount of color but it is very staining so if I needed to get it off quickly,  this is not something I would reach for.

I decided that this would be a casual night with trying on some recent hand me downs from the wife.  I pulled on my only pair of Jeans,  a floral embroidered pair from Addition Elle and pulled on the first top which was a short sleeved animal print top from Laura Plus.  It has a gold ring stitched into the center of the neck line that add’s a little pop to it.  I paired it with an Infinity sweater from Addition Elle dsc04918_edited.jpgand tossed on my heels and voila, Casual night in.

I decided to pop into another top I recently picked up which is a black and white sleeveless top with an attached silver chain with plastic crystals.
dsc04927_edited.jpgNormally I would not wear anything that is sleeveless because I do not really want to draw attention to my arms but I was able to pair this with a longer Addition Elle crocheted sweater top.

After getting all dressed I applied my nails and sat back and watched some Netflix and surfed the web.DSC04934

It was a pretty uneventful night which is just the way I like them.

 

Thanks for Reading

Cynthia