2018 ended on some high notes and 2019 seemed to be going fairly well, until recently.
Starting off 2019 with a Break
A few weeks ago I was in an accident that required an emergency visit to the hospital via an ambulance. I had called the wife to tell her to meet me at the ER and as I was talking to her I realized that I had painted my toenails a very bright sparkly red just recently as well as shaved my legs. This has always been a fear of mine and one of the main reasons I never, ever underdress at work. The fear hit me as I was talking to my wife about the toes, She said we could tell everybody that our kid had painted them. This option made me feel a little bit better. Fast forward to the hospital and sitting in the ER waiting room for what seemed like days and I was finally ushered into the back and up onto a hospital bed, I knew the moment of truth was to be soon. Doctors and nurses swarmed around me and I was told the socks would have to come off. There, in all there red sparkly glory were my nails, and not a word was said. It was only after the initial check was done that a nurse finally commented on how nice they looked and who had done them for me. I was then pushed all over the ER from room to room as I needed X-rays and other tests with my bright red toenails entering the room before I.
I was ushered into surgery the next day and was temporarily fixed up and spent the next 4 days laying in a room getting ready to go home and wait for the surgery to actually fix the problem, all the while with my toenails out for the entire ward, nurses and doctor to see. Of course I did not spill the beans and let out all my secrets, but still, I did not hide them either. It’s 2019 world and I can damn well have pretty nails too.
In appreciation of my Wife
My wife and I have been together for over 22 years between dating and marriage and to this day I am not sure how I lucked out and found the love of my life, A person that is truly kind, helpful and loving to the highest degree. If you remember way back when I posted a blog from a letter my Wife had sent to me titled Wifey’s point of View you would remember we have been through some pretty dark times and always come through the other side a little bit better. It’s dawned on me now after my accident even more how much my wife has done for me over the years and how much she does now. When I came home from the hospital I was pretty much useless, not able to get around very well, bound to a chair and unable to stand long enough to feed myself, and she was there for me the whole time. The worst part about this was she was just getting over some medical issues herself and this did not help at all. She was tired, stressed and still a bit sick but she was there for me. And I feel like a total ass at this point because most of the things I did around the house I now cannot do so I have to watch my poor wife struggle and do it. And through her aches and pain’s she does without even a argument
Dear, you are the greatest.
So it looks like I will have quite a bit of time for this injury to heal and with that time I was hoping I would get some more blog posts in. I am pretty sure my dressing for this season is over but recently I did purchase a new E.L.F. Holiday Contouring kit and picked up 2 of the new Maybelline Made For Me lipsticks in Red for Me and Ruby for Me. I am hoping that sooner than later I will be able to post my view’s on these.
While browsing through the makeup aisle recently, I thought about how long it has taken me to get to the point where I am comfortable enough on my own to head into the store and look at and buy whatever makeup or clothes I want. It’s been about 20 years since I bought my first items of makeup with my Wife’s (Then Girlfriend) help. Since then it’s been a long trip learning how to shop for makeup and clothes by myself. It took me a long time to bring my confidence level up to the point where I am able to head out and shop on my own which I think is better for both of us, don’t get me wrong I love shopping with the wife but when shopping for Cynthia it can be stressful. My wife does not wear a lot of makeup to begin with so she does not really enjoy browsing.
I can still recall like yesterday how our first trip went. After telling the wife about Cynthia I had asked if she would help me pick up some makeup. She agreed and we headed to the local Wal-Mart. I can remember sitting on the car waiting to go in and shaking like a leaf I was so stressed out. I wanted the entire Covergirl Fall line at that time but I was not able to afford it. We were both a little nervous about the whole situation and just wanted to get in and out as fast as possible. Some bad choices were made, but we were young and it was a learning experience.
Shopping trips went on like this for years, heading into stores with a vague idea of what I wanted or needed with the wife quietly asking me questions. This caused the wife much stress as she was always worried that someone would overhear that our purchases were not for her, but me. I admit I was worried about this as well back then, but that faded.
It took a long time for me to reach the F**K it moment and realize that no one cares what you are buying, they just want to go home. It was also getting annoying for the wife to have to go out and help every time I wanted something new from the stores, and I can totally agree with that. I am not going to lie, It was so easy for me to drop into a pink fog, it was not even funny. I cannot even imagine what it was like living with me at those times.
It was the perfect storm that helped me get off my ass and over my fears. Firstly one of my favorite stores was having a 70% off sale which meant I could get the bra set I had my eyes on, and only for about 17 dollars. Secondly the wife was sick at the time and was in no shape to be heading out in the crappy January weather. I knew it was now or never, I checked online and made sure the items I wanted were still in stock in store, I made my list and waited till I was done work and headed off to Addition Elle. I did have a friend who offered to take me as well, but I knew if I did not do this on my own now I never would.
With list in hand, I sat in the car for at least a good 10 minutes waiting for the store to look a little more empty. When it looked quiet I headed in and straight up to a sales assistant at the front counter and asked for some help getting some presents for my wife, she was more than willing to help and thought my list was a great idea. I am sure while talking to her I was as red as a beet but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care. In no time she had found 3 of the 4 items I really wanted and was ever so helpful in finding something very close to the last one I wanted. I paid my bill and left the store with my purchases and felt as high as the clouds that I had done this myself.
Of course, once I had completed this task it just seemed to get easier and easier. Soon I was not even taking a list in with me, just walking in and heading right over to the sale racks, looking through and grabbing what I wanted. Not more mention of buying for my wife because no one ever asked me, no one really seemed to care as long as I paid and went on my way. It was true about what they said, SA’s don’t care (at least from my experience) what the purpose of your visit as long as you be courteous, pay and leave.
It was not long before I was applying my new-found courage to the makeup aisle as well, taking my list along with me if I was ever asked if I needed help. A list is a must have for the makeup aisle just because of the sheer number of brands and products available. I have been approached only about 3 times while browsing for makeup. The worst part was going through the checkout and I was sure the lady scanning was going to look up and see who was purchasing the foundation. Not once did she look up from her task of scanning my items to verify if it was a male or female buying the items.
This post is not a damnation of people who feel they can’t go out and buy for themselves yet. I was in your heels at one time and I know exactly how you feel. You may never become comfortable enough go out and get stuff on your own and that’s completely fine. So many more options are around you could buy everything you ever need and not talk to another human being.
Some tips I have.
Do make a list. Some clothing store websites have the option to check stock, but it might only be updated every 24 hours. Make sure you have some backup pieces if needed.
Pick stores with self-checkouts. This can limit your needed interaction with clerks if this makes you nervous.
Take proper measurement to reduce returns. If you are not going to be trying clothes on you will want to make sure you get the proper size.
Read reviews before buying products. I find Makeupalley is great for this as it’s all people who have brought the product.
Don’t break your bank, pick a few items you need and just get those.
When it comes down to it no matter why you are Crossdressing it should be fun and exciting and shopping is just part of it.
Normally I never start dressing until at least late October, but this year I was given the opportunity to start in August, a very hot August.
The summer here in South Eastern Ontario was brutally hot, so even though I had the opportunity to dress, it was too sweltering to do so most times. I tried, I really tried to dress on some of the warm days not wanting to waste the time that I had, but in 25-degree heat, I was sweating again after even having a cold shower and foundation does not apply well at all on a sweaty face.
But now that fall is starting to creep in and the days and nights are getting cooler it’s way better. And with the extra time I have had in this seasonal transition period I have been heading out of doors for some better picture taking. I was able to head out last weekend and get some pictures of myself in the beginning of the layering/sweater weather season.
I started with working on my makeup, using mostly products from the Maybelline Fit Me lines I have been picking up. I am really, really loving the Fit Me Matte + Poreless foundation in Buff Beige (130). The coverage is awesome and the match is what I have been dreaming of. I was also trying out the Maybelline Master Blush Color and Highlight kit. This is the first time I have really used a highlighter and I really liked how it turned out, just an extra little POP.
For my lips, I used some Maybelline Color Sensation lipstick in Blissful Berry (410), it’s a gorgeous berry shade but does not really show up great because my cameras are not the greatest. I spent a lot of extra time on my eyes this time and used my Covergirl Trunaked Dazed palette which has some really striking colors in it if you are trying to make a statement.
So after I had my makeup all done I decided to start casual with just a pair of jeans and a few tops and get a bit dressier from there. The first top is longer with slits on both sides. It’s hard to tell from the pictures but it has a red metallic thread woven throughout the top which gives it a really nice look.
I first tried A infinity sweater. I think these were popular about 5-6 years ago but I have not seen any recently. It looked okay, but with the ammount of extra fabric this piece has it’s probably easier just to get a basic top and a scarf.
I then moved onto a knee length cardigan which I think is my favorite look of all. I love how this sweater trails behind you in the wind when you walk. With the extra large holes in the knit, I doubt it would be the warmest but it lookes nice.
I changed from the shimmery top to a sleeveless wrap top with a ruffle. This is more of a summer top but with the right sweater it could be a bright pick me up into the cooler fall. I paired it with a black ruffled bolero.
I moved on from the tops and pants and tried a dress that I had purchased back at the start of 2016 but have not worn a lot. It’s long sleeved, so it’s perfect for cooler weather and the fabric is a bit heavier. It has a slit up the leg on the left side. With the long sleeves I would not wear a sweater with this but I may try and pick up a shawl to go along with it
So there are some of my fall picks. I am sure as the weather gets cooler andI still have some decent time outside I will have some more posts to throw up.
In the world of Crosssdressing, it’s not uncommon for one to take the accumulated gear associated with dressing as the opposite sex and get rid of it all. This action is known as purging, and with the purge one tries to push the feelings of guilt and shame associated with dressing back into the closet where it can be hidden away hoping that it will not rear it’s ugly head again. Very rarely does the closet door stay closed.
Purging can be caused by many reasons from guilt and shame to a spouse who is not happy with the dressing. There are numerous other reasons for purging but it all ends up the same way, getting rid of all the clothing and makeup in order to try and suppress the desire to dress. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to stop as it is to place all your stuff into the trash or the donation bin. I would hazard to guess 8 out of 10 Crossdressers who have purged have gone back out and started to collect the various items they have thrown away.
I can honestly say I have never purged, but I do know the reasoning behind it all too well. There are some times so low you would do anything to not feel tied to this need to dress, and it can get tiring. I did at times feel the need to pack up all the stuff that I associated with Cynthia and push it so far back to the bowels of the closet that I hoped I would be free of this guilt causing aspect of my life. It never helped.
It’s an odd feeling to want to do something so much and yet once you do it have so much guilt you wished you had never done it in the first place, this for some can be the vicious circle of Crossdressing which I know from first-hand experience. I would build up the experience in my head to a point where it would be an almost euphoric experience and for the first little bit of dressing, it would be. But the specter of guilt and regret was always right around the corner, and in the mirror to be exact. No matter what I was wearing or how the night was going, all it would take was one look in the mirror and instantly the need to be dressed was gone.
In my case, the only way I was going to overcome my own disgrace was to get it through my head that what I was doing was not bad, and the one person that was able to get through to that side of me was my adoring wife. She, on more that one occasion was more than willing to help me out, but for the longest time, I was far too self-conscious to even think about dressing in front of her. She had only seen me dressed once and that was just after we had moved in with each other sometime around 1998. No matter how many times she would tell me she was okay with seeing me dressed and no matter how many times we had talked about it. To me, it seemed as if the actual act would be the straw that would break the camel’s back and I was not cool with that. So over the years, I would only dress when I had the house all to myself. I would spend over 15 years with a foot still in the closet even though I had a spouse who was more than accepting of the situation.
I am not really sure what the final motivation was where I was able to shed the final doubts I had, but at some point, it was like the sun rose up over the hills and I was out of the darkness and finally able to see. I took the last step and dressed in front of the wife and nothing happened, she was not disgusted, ran for the hills or demanded a divorce. I had spent so many years in a self-imposed exile that I wished I had taken this last step a lot sooner, but some things have to be learned the hard way.
And in letting go I had learned the final truth, I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed or guilty of. Also with this shift in thinking I no longer have periods where I do not dress up, now my dressing is only determined by the time I have to do it in.
I don’t see an issue with dressing anymore, which is why I came up with the slogan below which sums it all up.
I was a little bored the other night and while searching the vastness of the internets came across some makeup question tags on various blogs. I decided to have a little fun and answer them for myself. Over the years my appreciation for makeup has grown and I love to use and practise with it every free chance I get.
I pulled these questions from 3 different blogs and kinda mixed them all together and also deleted questions I could not answer, and then added a few of my own.
While reading this just keep in mind that my makeup knowledge is limited to the few drugstore brands and only one other that I have been able to try in all my Dressing. I wish I did, but I do not have the budget to go off and try everything that I would like too. That list is far too long and expensive.
I have added the links at the bottom of the post to where I found these questions. I am not trying to steal anything and want to give credit back to where I found them.
1: Do you remember your first makeup item? Yes, Way back sometime in 1996 the wife was gracious enough to take me out and help me purchase my first makeup. Some really bad eyeshadow and some fire engine red lipstick. Looking back not the best color choices but I needed to learn.
2: What kind of coverage do you prefer from a foundation? Full.
3: What cosmetic brands have you always wanted to try but still haven’t? M.A.C.
4: Favorite drugstore brand? Covergirl, Revlon or E.L.F.
5: Do you wear fake eyelashes? No
6: What is your most cherished beauty product? The very first “Real” brush set I ever purchased.
7: How often do you shop for makeup? Do you like to pick up an item here and there or get lots of goodies at once? Usually, I’ll wait and save some money then splurge.
8: Do you have a “beauty budget” or you spend freely? I hate to say it but freely.
9: Do you utilize coupons, rewards cards, and sales when you shop for cosmetics? As much as possible.
10: What type of product do you buy the most of? Lipstick, with eyeshadow a close second.
11: Is there a brand that you absolutely can’t stand? I don’t think I have tried one yet that I would say I can’t stand.
12: Do you have a favorite place to shop for makeup? Mostly Shoppers Drug Mart, sometimes Rexall.
13: Favorite bath and body brand? Olay
14: If you could only buy from one brand, which brand would you choose? My favorites are all over the spectrum of brands. I could not pick just one to use at this point.
15: What brand do you think has the best packaging? I always thought the Mary Kay compacts were a good idea. Although their eyeshadow pans are very small you could customize 3 eyeshadows, blush and a lipstick.
16: Do you belong to any online makeup communities? Yes, MakeupAlley
Well the summer of 2018 is almost over and what do I have to show for it.
It’s been hot here in South eastern Ontario, one of the hottest that I can ever remember. We had almost a whole week with a heat warning in effect where the temperature was in the high 30’s and when you factor in the Humidex it felt more lit it was in the 40’s, not fun to be in at all.
But heat aside the Summer was a pretty good one for Family and Myself, we have had time to get out fishing and swimming and just spend some time together. Also I have been able to get some dressing in which I normally never do until the colder months like late September, but I was given the opportunity and took it.
Before dressing though I was able to save up some money and treat myself to some new makeup, I may have went a little overboard on the Lipsticks but what can I say, I love a bold red lip now. Between my saved up money and my points from Shoppers Drug Mart. I spent no more than 35.00 on new lipstick, eyeshadow, foundation and mascara which when you think about it is not a lot at all.
I picked up all the make up with sale prices of at least half off and some I had coupons for that gave me mega points towards money off again so all in all it was a very good deal. My favourite’s right now is Revlon Super Lustrous Lipsticks, I love the feel and I love the colour pay on this brand. I was able to pick up 4 new ones which were 2 creams and 2 mattes. The colours were Certainly Red, Love is On, So Lit! and Red Rules the World.
The only tried the cream ones so far, but both really really pop when on and don’t seem to make me look too bad.
Along with my my Lipsticks I also picked up some new Mascara as I have never used it very much and need all the experience I can get with it. I picked up some Maybelline The Falsies Volum Express. The formulation seems to be okay and does seem to add some volume to my lashes, but I did not pay attention and picked up blue. Does not seem to make a big difference.
And seeing as I love eyeshadow as well I had to pick up the new Covergirl Trunaked pallet in Dazed. I have 4 of these now and I really like the way they go on and how much coverage I can get out of these.
But Possibly my best buy of all was some new Fit me Matte+Poreless foundation from Maybelline in 130 Buff Beige. If you have ever read my blog before you will know I have spent years trying to find the right shade of foundation with no luck yet. Someone on Twitter told me to try and Maybelline Fit me line and I was not disappointed. I did pick up a few and ended up getting one that to me seems to be a great match. It covers well and seems to leave a nice surface that does not accentuate my pores, which other foundations I have tried do. I am so happy I found this.
I decided since I have the time and there is no snow on the ground, I was going to leave my comfort area and head out of doors which I don’t normally do while dressed. I do live in a very rural area, but it’s not uncommon for people to just either head up to the house or just show up unexpected. Needles to say I did feel exposed while outside of the house in broad daylight, but it was a thrill and I can’t wait to do it some more. It was pretty hot while dressed so I am hoping by the time fall rolls around I will have more pictures to take.
The pictures are taken from the websites of the company’s. I have linked to their respective websites at the bottom of this post.
Oh, the snow is melting so fast here Today that I would really like to get outside and so something, but the thermometer says otherwise, and so does my wallet.
So I spent the last couple of days internet windows shopping at some of my favorite store for some new clothes and makeup. As you all know my places to shop around here are Addition Elle and Penningtons both which have local stores in this area. It was also recently that we had a Torrid open up in the local mall so I took a look at their site as well. Not a lot of stuff listed here, but I think all would be great additions to my wardrobe and makeup collections.
First off like always I checked out the Addition Elle website, by far the clothes they sell have never steered me wrong before. They can be a little on the pricey side, but for the most part, you can get some really good deals when they have their sales on.
The first item I spotted that I really liked was this Michel Studio Chiffon & Embroidery Shift Dress. What I like about this dress is that it has longer sleeves and a higher neckline. Although at times I do shave my chest or use fake cami tops, I find with this look it’s a lot easier than the latter. The overall length is nice as well. Plus I am a sucker for the whole mesh look at the top and bottom of the dress.
Normally I try and get dresses and skirts that are a bit longer. I have terribly scared up shins and they not look very nice in real life, but something about this dress called to me and I love it.
Item two is a Michel Studio Short Sleeve Patterned Fit & Flare Party Dress. I am not much for partying but this one also caught my eye as something very different from anything I have ever owned before. First off I adore the floral print on the skirt section and I love the difference in the upper and lower fabric selections. My only complaint about this dress is the lack of sleeves. I do not have feminine arms at all so I do like to have them covered as much as possible. I believe I could add some type of cover-up or bolero to alleviate the sleeve issue.
I believe this would be a blast to wear for some pictures and a night out.
I can’t look at Addition Elle’s web site without taking a look at the lingerie section. When every new season comes around there is always a new bra set that I want to get my hands on and this season is no different. Most of the bra’s and panties I pick up are from the Deesse collection. Although they are not a massively known brand, they do make some outstanding pieces that I love.
First up is the Déesse Lace Cross Dye Femme Couture Bra in Lilac grey is a soft cup bra. It’s not a super fancy or lacey piece but I really really like how the darker strap colors work well with the lighter structure of the bra. The panties have the same color variations and accent bow as the bra.
The fourth and final pairing from Addition Elle, again comes from the Deesse line. I can count on one hand how many times I have been really excited to see a design or color scheme and this one goes on that list. The Vixen Balconet Bra with Lace & Ruching – Déesse Collection in Black and Confetti. The lace design and color have my name written all over it. Normally I try to stay away from padded cups bra’s (although my last 4 are) just for the fact that I don’t find they hold my forms as well as soft cup bras, but I have to say I would love to have this in my collection.
After Addition Elle I headed over to the Penningtons site. The two are owned by the same parent company but sell very different styles. I always take a look over at Penningtons for some more relaxed looks. I was able to spot this Girlfriend Fit T-Shirt with Crochet – d/C JEANS. I love the look of the crochet detail at the top and I can’t get enough. To date, I have picked up at least three lace dresses and a skirt. It will never go out of style for me.
The best thing about this top is you could dress it up with a nice skirt or down with a pair of jeans and it will work either way. It would be a very versatile piece to add to the wardrobe.
Something new we have here now is a Torrid and I was pretty excited to head in there to take a peek at what they have. The only problem was they opened near Christmas and I am still a little broke from that. The first thing I can say about Torrid is that their stock list if HUGE, just trying to scan around the website leads my poor old laptop browser to crash as it can’t load. But once I got everything stable again I was able to search the skirt section and found a couple I really liked.
First one is the Floral Velvet Print Ponte Mini Skirt. To me, nothing saysspring nice a nice floral print. This would be perfect on hot days and I already have a very nice casual black top that would pair very well with this.
Also from Torrid was the Black Rose Hi-Lo Challis Maxi Skirt. Another gorgeous skirt with a beautiful floral print. I love the hi-low aspect of this skirt and think it would be a great casual piece or it could be dressed up and used for a night on the town. Super versatile.
And to top everything off, you can’t update your wardrobe without updating some of your makeup for the perfect spring look. Not that long ago I posted about picking up some Wet N Wild Color Icon 10 pan eyeshadow palettes. From what I have seen online, people are raving about this stuff. I would love to be able to pick up some more of their products to be able to try out.
Seeing as I already picked up the “Not a Basic Peach” and “Comfort Zone” Palettes the only other two I need are “Rose in the Air” and “Nude Awakening”. I can’t really say there is a color that draws me to one or the other but I could mix and match from the different palettes.
Rose in the Air
And with the way I would love to be playing more and more with my eyeshadow, these would keep me amused for quite a long time trying many, many looks and styles.
Foundation is still the one thing I struggle with every time I want to put on makeup. I harp about it every time I make a post about this, but I am still a little too shy to get properly matched.
So since I have tried every shade by every other company why not some from Wet N Wild in their PhotoFocus line. Lots of shades and from what I hear, a very good lasting formula.
And last but not least some new bright lipstick from the Megalast lipstick line. I really hate looking at lipstick colors online because the look can differ between monitors and even at what angle you look at it. But from scanning the site I was able to pick out at least two that I would really like to try and they are “Violet Kiss” and “Sugar Plum Fairy”
Sugar Plum Fairy
Sugar Plum Fairy
So that’s my Spring windows shopping list, Let me know what you think works or doesn’t.
Pictures are not my own and have been taken from the following websites. Check them out.